The in laws stayed with us for a week (Thanksgiving). Here are two posts to enjoy and to make you feel like you were there!
Oh, We Just Did Whatever the Hell We Wanted Anyway
So, my In-laws were in town. While I was a little freaked out by the amount of time that they would be spending with us (1 whole week in my house!) the blow was softened when they offered to watch our son for the weekend while we went off and did something fun and/or romantic. So, that is just what we did. We went on a little weekend vacation, met some friends and had a wonderful time.
Prior to leaving, I told my MIL that our son wanted to go to our church on Sunday (Which I thought would give me some points). Our favorite service of the year is the Bread-Sharing service in which anyone who wishes to, brings in a bread that means something to their family, talks about why it is special and then shares it with the whole congregation. It could be bagels, Wonder Bread, or great great grandma's coffee cake recipe. And the stories are so great! Since Unitarians don't do communion, this is how we celebrate "community" on Wold Communion Day. It is really a wonderful service, and I was kind of bummed to miss it. But, the fact that my 6 year old son ASKED to go, made me happy. My son also told his grandparents personally that he wanted to go.
So on our way home from our trip, I called to check in and give our ETA. MIL got on the phone and I asked enthusiastically, "Did you like the church service?" Her reply, "Oh, we just couldn't get it together, and the dog was acting crazy and we didn't know how to get there, so we went to the Lutheran Church up the street." I was LIVID! I later found out that my son begged them to go, even though they might be late, saying "People are late for church all the time. I want to go to my church." I am still contemplating an angry letter, because I know she never had any intention of taking him to our church.
Oh and for icing on the cake, since they have left, I have learned that she spent every moment that we were away, cramming her beliefs down my son's throat. He asked me the following questions. "Why does Nana like God so much?" "Nana said we have to pray at night and that I HAVE to fold my hands, but I told her I don't have to." "Nana said I have to believe in Jesus because there wouldn't be Christmas without Jesus." "Do you believe in God?" "Who were the first people?" And so it goes.
On a happy note, my son and I were talking about beliefs. I told him what Nana believes, and what I believe, and what some other people believe about God. I listened with all seriousness when he said he believed that God was a big Head in the sky and that Jesus was a girl. I asked him, "What does our church believe?" and he said, "To be nice and to help people and to have an open mind." So I feel better.
Did I Just Step into 1989?
On the Monday of my In-Laws week-long visit, I came home from work to the following:
My DH playing a video game.
My FIL sitting in our "Dad" chair, reading the paper.
My MIL in MY apron in MY kitchen, cooking.
I wanted to turn around and leave.
My friend said, "I would have been so happy that someone was cooking."
My mother said, "Lighten up."
I wasn't angry so much as felt outnumbered. How dare they fall into these "comfortable patterns" in my house. I felt like an intruder.
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2 comments:
Oh my! That's a bit of a tough one! Dealing with overbearing religious types is not an easy thing to do.
My mom's parents and extended family are all very religious. My immediate family is not - we don't go to church unless it's to make my Nana happy. But we respect their beliefs when they're in our house by saying Grace before meals. My dad's family is not at all religious, but I don't think he ever put his foot down when my mom's parents wanted us to come to church etc.
Personally, I didn't want to go to Sunday School or any of that from a young age, and having the religious sentiments constantly pushed down my throat created a lot of resentment. Once I was an adult, I was able to tell my grandparents that while I respected their beliefs, I expected them to respect mine in return and not try to change them. They still say God Bless You and things like that, but there's no more of the regular "It would make your Nana very happy if you went to church" talks. But that's probably one for DH to tell his mom that he'd appreciate his family's beliefs being respected in your own, and you'll do the same when you're in theirs.
As for MIL in the kitchen - I don't think MIL in any DIL's kitcken will make a DIL happy. Yes, they are helping by cooking a meal, but it always does seem like an intrusion in our territory. I always politely decline my MIL's invites to help around the house.
Well you know I don't cook, so the kitchen intrusion wouldn't get to me. However, if she started rearranging stuff in the cupboards or closets, I would completely freak out. I am proud of you for not yet having committed MIL-cide. Explaining to your son the differences, why they exist, and why they are ok, is so much more important than wringing the neck of a woman that is beyond comprehension & change.
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