My Imperfect Offspring

My son was born with a hemangioma on his hand, which is basically a bright red birthmark that fades over time. It should be completely gone by age 10. Indeed, it is extremely light right now, at age 6. It's not a big deal, and we don't really think about it. My son never talks about it, or feels bad for having it, or says he is embarrassed by it. Every once and a while, someone who doesn't know us will ask me "What's wrong with his hand?" to which my maternal instincts kick in and I think immediately, "Nothing, what's wrong with your manners?" I mean really, what's WRONG with his hand? It's not leprosy, it's a tiny cluster of pink bumps by his thumb. People really need to learn how to choose their words, don't they?

The only time the hemangioma ever really comes up is when we spend time with my MIL. She is staying with us this week and has already made it a point to say, "His birthmark is almost gone!" This is when my son suddenly get self conscious about it. A little background...

The first time she met my son at 1 month old, one of her first questions was, "What's wrong with his hand?" (love it!). Later on in his life, maybe at age 2, we were visiting my husband's family out west and someone asked, "What's wrong with his hand?" to which she replied in her sing-songy voice, "Oh it's a birth defect." I was floored. "Excuse me!" I said, "It is not a birth DEFECT, it is a birth MARK." She replied, "Right, same thing." I am sure she didn't mean to sound like a total insensitive bitch, but I have never forgotten that statement (my mom says I'm a grudge holder) and found it extremely telling. She does seem to mention the progress of the thing every time she sees my son, but only once.

So back to yesterday, as I am extremely pregnant, and trying to be nice, I asked my MIL to help my son with his bath yesterday. She was very happy to do so, and I got out of taking her with me to the grocery store, which is one of my LEAST favorite things to do with her. When I returned, she told my son, "Tell your mom what we discovered!" My son shows me his hand. I don't get it. "It's almost gone, I can't even see it anymore!" Then my son starts whining about how he doesn't like his birthmark because people "always" ask him if it's a rash. This is the first I've heard of this, and I imagine it's slightly exaggerated due to my MIL's talk about it and his extreme fatigue. I said as snottily as I could, while still trying to sound like an adult I said in MIL's direction, "You know, it is no big deal, we never even really notice or talk about it." Then I told my son, "You know it's just a silly birthmark, and it's one of the things that makes you special."

So really what the hell? Does anyone else have a similar story about the imperfection of their child according to your MIL? Is it your fault? Should I slap her?!