Readers. I recently received a comment from an anonymous MIL on one of my posts. Here is what she had to say....
"Let the youngsters vent. After they've spent two decades devoting their lives to raising their own sons they can then spend the next 5 or 6 kissing the ring of the princesses they marry. Pray for a daughter...sons cannot sustain an easy relationship with their mothers while keeping a princess happy. They are in the same conundrum as their moms...dancing as fast as they can to keep her happy because where a man's mother is concerned, no matter what we do or say or don't say or do...its wrong. I say enjoy the power while you have it, ladies. Your time's coming."
I don't doubt it! But I like that we have permission to vent :)
18 comments:
very nice post and i like this ^___^
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More boy hatred yay. These stereotypes meed to stop. Girls can be just as problematic.
Oh jeez, do I ever need some time to vent about my MIL. I've very glad I have permission, now where can I sign up???
This is the typical mother in law who think still she's the queen and see her son and wife as prince and princess.
When a son marries the wife becomes the queen and that is hard to accept for some MIL.
The king as part of growing up have a new set of destions to make and responsibilities to take together with his queen.
My MIL tried to stay the queen and keep trying to take my place.
When she didn't succeed then she became nasty. Nasty comments were the order of the day because she was
not happy. I tried to tell her that she was mean but I get the answer that she didn't do it on purpose.
Of course I just stop trying and just feel pity for the woman.
I try to keep her as far as I can , If I have to talk to her i do it as fast as it can and if I have to interact with her I do it as superficial as I can. It's just
unbearable to be close to her.
Now I'm preparing for her to visit for the holidays. Just hoping it goes fast and smooth.
Oh yes, that's because we have stolen their boy in a first place! I can pretty well emphasize with a furious mother in law because their mum, is no longer first and most important woman in their life. You have stolen their son's heart and that's of course unacceptable!
Oh my, how much my own mother has suffered under a firm hand of her own mother in law.
What would you my lovely ladies say, if you had to share the same house-hold with YOUR MIL.
I can't quite comprehend how my mum could retain her sanity after all those years of suffering.
Mum my would be accused of not taking care of nanny's sweet boy properly. she would be mocked, because my grandma's cuisine is the best one!.
She would be laughted at for not doing dishes properly.
Anything that my mum did, my grandma could do 10x better single- handly - at least so she thought.
I have had this problem of my husband putting his mom an family before me for 34 yrs, an it hasnt changed, so I give up an realize that this is his own relationships with his own family, I stay in the background, an let him be happy, not more trouble making for me, I wish I had learned this before. Trying to make them love you will never happen, so might as well be happy with your own family or your life period.
I think all us daughter in laws (or son in laws) need to vent. I do not however, agree with sons not being able to maintain a relationship with their mothers and wives. I am not a princess, but I have been **blessed** with a crazy mother in law who has done everything in her power to make me hate her and to distance herself from her son. I don't think 'my time is coming'. If you treat your daughter in laws well, there is not reason why MIL and DIL and SONS can't all get along. sheesh.
Good luck to all you ladies out there!!!
Love & Blessings,
My MIL STOLE MY CROCKPOT
http://mymotherinlawstolemycrockpot.tumblr.com/
This so typical! Why why why must the DIL always be blamed!
My mother in law is a control freak and now that she can not get control of my life with her son, she wants to gain control through controlling peoples's emotions by playing the victim!!
MrsletstalkMIL
/http://mrsletstalkmil.blogspot.com/
You do need to let your kids go and have a life of their own. Your grand kids should see you because they want to not because it is "your right". My parents are retired and so busy with their clubs and hobbies. I think it is great. Not only do they have something interesting to speak about when I see them, there is no pressure to be their entertainment. Sometimes I feel like my MIL quizzes me about personal things so she has something interesting so say to other people when she retells my "stories" even if they were personal.
My mother in law is a pain... Our relationship has never been good since day 1.... when I was expecting my first child she caused hell and left the house for 9 months ... then she returned ..... noe im expecting agon and she is coausing trouble again .... im feeling so down and depressed.... and my husband feels that she is old and she is tryong to be helpful ....
I have been living with MIL for almost 6 years now.So far I only had two nervous breakdowns and I will do anything to prevent the 3rd one or else I don't think I would be able to overcome it. I have two kids to take care of. I am dying to tell my story becayse its been a while since I talk to a friend about this since The last time I was so embarrassed when she tried to fish some " info " from a friend And accused me of " back stabbing " her .she was so paranoid that she made up stories about me gossiping, when she was the one telling everybody that I'm a bitch,always hitting me below the belt and I'm the one that's not nice to her.
First of all my MIL is a nice looking lady, she loves attention, loves to be praised, and pretty much a likable lady. and for that Ive always respected her, typical DIL that's trying to impress hoping she'll like me too. Then I noticed the not so endearing quality
She's concieted, righteous , envious , judgemental, bored, loves to gossip about other people, I always feel trap when she tells this negative stories and I have listen to it, if I don't agree,then I'm condemnd. She's like a combo of a bully in high school and that mean girl in college who loves to pick on you if she doesn't like you.sometimes I feel like I'm in a communist county that you can't voice out your opinions. Cont........
Amen!!!
Maybe…just maybe i would give my mother in law the respect a mother in law deserves… IF she did not marry a child molester!!! But she did and did not tell is about it…we found out MONTHS after
I don't agree that the DIL is always blamed for problems--from reading these and other similar things, it seems to me that the DILs see themselves as the victim much more often than vice versa. As a new MIL, i can say that my experience has been pretty painful. After months of trying to find ways to become acquainted with my now DIL, it has gone unappreciated not to mention rejected. Given comments here I wonder why is this such a tough relationship? Maybe instaed of blaming we should look at ways to bridge the gap. In short, reach out. My DIL has done things that have cut me to the bone, but because i love my son, i will continue to try and find ways to understand her, take responsibility for my own feelings, and suck it up when I am left out, shut out, and stone walled. Do you think your relationship will be successful by excluding another person who loves the man you married? A lot of the things you love about him were because of another woman who loved him, encouraged him, and dedicated her life to making his better.
Maybe MIL are not to blame but I can say for me and my sister in laws experience, our mother in law is 100% the problem. She does not like me because she had an affair....my hubby asked about it so I told him the truth because I don't lie (especially to my husband). She was in the middle of a divorce anyway....she also has a 35-year-old 300 pound son who is schizophrenic. Who always says perverted things and hits on me even though I'm married to his brother. Says he "likes little girls" (creepy).
So ONE rule I have about my mother in law about babysitting ( or any rules for that matter) my 5 year old daughter and 4 year old son is that he can't be there. She says she trusts him alone with the kids 100%. ( she is in total denial about his dioreder) He would not hurt a fly. But he punched my husband, put HIS mom in a head lock and burned holes on the heads on the pic of the last supper with a cigarette. I'm atheist and yet I'm not that evil LOL.
I also caught him at 2 in the AFTERNOON in MY bed watching porn!!! 😡😡😡 so I don't trust him around my children unless I am there. She has a problem with that and always starts crap about it (even though I had the same rule since my child was born...almost 6 years).
Says I brainwashed her son against them (ONLY ONE RULE😡😡) she won't visit us because of the rule. We drive 8 hours to see his family yet she can't drive 20 min to meet up with us (usually because she has to open her legs for a date. Which I guess is more important to her.)
She also married a child molester!! They are divorced now but that shows me bad judgement....he was in jail for hurting his own daughter 😢😢 Oh! And the guy she married (molesterr) was the twin bother of the guys who broke up her 28 yr marriage!!! LMAFO. She also hits on my grandpa (3months after my gma passed) because he has money. She also didn't tell us that her hubby was a molester I only know because I always research that stuff. What kind of woman can sleep with the man who molested his own daughter?!? I told my husband thankfully I didn't know his family was trash or I would've never married him.
But yet my ONE RULE is too much for her to handle so she ignores my kids. Same thing with my sister in law. She has the same rule. Can babysits if the skitzo brother is not there. She won't validate our feelings. It's her way or no way. I even brought her son back into her life. When I first meet him he would not talk to her (cause of a different affair she had while married to his dad). On top of it all she's a bible thumper... Such a hypocrite. I feel as if the safry of my children dose not matter to her. I should not even let her babysit but I would if she could put her pettiness away. I have tried to get close but she is a crazy ass bitch. It's so hard. It's hard to trust a women like this. It totally sucks. One day I am going to take English classes and write a book. LOL
"brave lady" I share you feelings. Mothers of sons, love them and respect their marriages. Our families don't do everything the same, but that is only "different" not wrong. Your (DIL judgement) condemnation of our homes and lives is your insecurity and immaturity. The girl's families make horrendous mistakes, judgement, divorces, lack of relationships with grandchildren, the list goes on and on, but are always encouraged to have relationships with grandchildren. I am fearful how this will playout in your lives and in the lives of the grandchildren, but I raised my son to love and respect you. You live a wonderful life with our son. I sometimes wonder if you (DIL) can hear his heart...rest assured, he will remain with you, he will raise the children with love and attention, we will miss him, but he will meet the expectations he was raised with.
I am a MIL veteran and I don't believe we can generalize but I am amazed at how many women I run into with the same story. Like everything in life there are good and bad in all types of people. I am talking here about a MIL that is trying but not given a chance.
When you raise a son you raise him to be the independent man that can provide, protect and love a woman of his dreams. You give of your heart to make this happen to in some instances to find out the woman he married sees you as an enemy not an ally. DIL's remember a lot of what you fell in love with in this man some other woman molded and shaped into him. Yes you should be his priority but that does not mean you should push her out of his life with the influence you have on him. Rejection is the worst form of abuse and that is what this behavior is. I have a question, do you still spend time with your family? I found that is almost always the case the DIL has rejected the MIL but keeps close to her mother. Maybe you feel if you have a relationship with your MIL it is hurting your mother. Not sure but just a thought.
I can tell you from experience you would have a great ally if you give her a chance and quit hating her and looking for the things you want to see to justify your rejection of her and placing distance between her and her son.
She is not in competition with you for first place in his life you got that when you married him.
You are not in a battle for his affections. I believe most MIL's just want to be included in your lives and most are not there to censure but to help. In these times we live in the one thing that is missing most is compassion. Put yourselves in her shoes, oh you don't think this will happen to you? She didn't either!
Grace is just not one sided. Just like you if you have children she put her heart, soul, time, and health on the line for her children. Maybe some gratefulness for raising a man for you to love would be in order.
You may feel justified in your actions but trust me you have no idea how deep the hurt is when your son is still alive but because his wife decided you were no longer "worthy" to be part of his life you never see or are involved in his life.
You say you must let go we have but we didn't die either.
You can find wrong in anybody but it takes a greater character to accept people and love them in spite of your differences.
It doesn't take much: a call now and then, a visit now and then, an invite to your home now and then.....
I am sure you are going to think oh this is one of those angry MIL's but you are so WRONG!
I am trying to help you be the best DIL you can be.
MIL's (not all but most) want to be a help to you but you need to accept the help as a gift not an attack on your place in their son's lives.
Division is a tool of the Devil. I see this so much in so many families Please love your MIL and trust me you will get that back times a million. Most MIL's want to share this life journey with you and their son. Just because their son got married doesn't turn off the mother in all of us.
If you have a son think what you would feel like if his wife's rejection alienated him from you.
Be careful how you handle this relationship it can truly change the lives of your family for good or worse.
I no longer have my MIL and would do anything to call her about a recipe or something I need advice on. I found her to be a treasure of wisdom but I desired it and if you give it a chance you will find the gold in your MIL's heart and how it will make your home so special.
A mother's love is SACRIFICE and even if you don't accept her love most of us will keep on loving and sacrificing hoping someday we will be loved in returen.
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